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Transcripts [for the super nerds]
Alright, before I review the book review, let me tell you a little bit about who the fuck am I.
I was in jail till last week. Let me repeat that. I was in jail till last week. Wow! It’s true.
During my live on fucking YouTube trial, I told the judge “I didn’t switch off my wife. She ran away with her boyfriend — Saddam Hussein. Partying all over the world”
Well, the Judge didn’t listen to me because she was a lesbian. And you’re like why didn’t she listen to you. Because I’m not a lesbian. Anyway, she said “Saddam is dead & so are you. I’m going to put you in prison forever.” She put me in prison forever. I was rotting in jail for 5 years.
Then something crackling happened. My 7th ex-wife — I’ve been married a few times. I’ve this marriage fetish like Hugh Hefner — so my 7th ex-wife bumped into my allegedly-dead ex-wife, allegedly-dead Saddam & Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un in a nice strip club in North Korea. My 7th ex-wife is a really nice lady so she quickly sent the evidence to my lesbian judge’s Instagram & I was released immediately. That was a good thing but there was no apology — there was no compensation — and I was given no job.
So I’m outside & I’m useless. I’m like what am I supposed to do. So I started asking people what do we do right now that doesn’t take a lot of effort. Everyone gave me the same goddamn answer — Become a YouTuber — That’s exactly why I’m here.
Alright, during my time in jail I read lots of books. As you can see I’ve got most of them. Though, most books were about “How to Kill Your Wife & Get Away With It.”
I didn’t do that. I didn’t want to read that so I read good books.
I’m going to talk about three books. My favorite books of all time.
The first one is — Sapiens
The second one is — Sapiens
The third one is — Sapiens
What the fuck — I just realized I read three books & they’re all the fucking same books. Anyway, you can trust me. People are like how can we trust you — you read three books, you had no fucking idea. Because I’m Indian & everyone knows Indians are the most trustworthy people on Earth. Even on Jupiter, even on Mars — everybody knows that. Even on Pluto — Pluto isn’t even a planet anymore.
Alright, that’s enough talk about me — let’s talk about the goddamn book.
The author’s name is — Yuval Noah Harari — amazing guy. He originally named the book: Homo sapiens
Then he gave it to his editor. His editor was a really nice Gujarati-American person — Kamlesh Bhai. Kamlesh bhai said “Yuval, people will get confused. People might think this book is exclusively for Homo sexuals. So, remove the word Homo.”
Fun Fact: Yuval Harari is Super Gay.
Yuval understood. He was very practical about it. He said “Ok, fair enough, Kamlesh Bhai – if you say it, I will do it.”
So, eventually the book’s name was called Sapiens. That’s the history about the book. Let’s talk about the book. Why do I love the book?
I love it because it’s so fuckin’ offensive. I love books which are so offensive which make snowflake human’s blood boil. They are like we wanna ban this book, we wanna ban this book. I love those books.
What the Hell is this Book About?
It’s about the past, present & future of humans.
The book talks about lots of offensive things but I’m not going to tell you all of them. Because you gotta read it. I don’t wanna spoil the book for you.
But I have a few nice offensive things that the book talks about.
The first of them is:
Yuval says Humans are Animals & are no different from Chimpanzees or Dogs. He doesn’t specify which dogs — I mean I am happy to be compared to a fancy breed like German Sheperd or Golden Retriever but not the dirty rabies-filled street dogs. But that’s just probably my choice. People like dogs.
He also talks about obvious things as well like — Everyone Loves Money — he says “Though Saint Osama Bin Laden hated everything about America, he loved American Dollars more than he loved his 124 sons & daughters.” I’m pretty sure Saint Laden had more than 124 kids 🙂 but then who am I to say.
He says only human beings create & believe in Fictional Stories like Gods, Humans Rights, Ghosts, Nations, Corporations & Heaven — For example, human beings are the only ones who can tell other people — give promises like “Give me that banana & you will go to heaven & 77 virgins will be waiting naked to have sex with you.” Try that trick with a chimpanzee — he will never ever give you the goddamn banana for the promise of heaven & 77 virgins. He will be like listen “I’m not stupid. I’m not human.” It’s a good point. Try that — they’ll never give you the banana because you promise them heaven & virgins***
***rest of the script is in the first comment
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